Clean

Smooth marbled eggshell
Broken and torn asunder
Dappled by the tiresome downpour
Worn by the flame

The Devil rearranges the shards
Pulling and prodding to his liking
At his feet her broken flesh
Staring out into her exposed depths
From an empty crowd of looming cliffs
Spitting venom from his teeth

Let the rain wash these garish dreams
Infest her with dulce de luce
Sweet milkiness not cyanide
Dull the savage stinging
Calm her insides as they quake

Kidnap her from the horrors of reality
Ripped apart from within
Torn like flesh, bitten through
An insipid snake slithering through
The fangs which dig inside still yanking
Eroding the mind
Twisting, turning, gnashing inside her
Till she comes coerced into its twilight

The devil spills her virgin blood
She now tainted lies to waste
Out it seeps in a moonlit sheen
glowing warm
glowing pure
glowing clean

Hot and wriggling the snake is wet with it
Wet with flesh’s baptismal tears
Weeping and stammering behind the flood
The devil snake mocks

Turbulent and terrifying as horror
The horror twists upon its lips
A sick smile

She tries to remember the taste of oxygen
The cold breeze binds her lungs
She tries to hold on to pins which hold the collective universe
They turn to ash around her

Burned by the devil’s flame
Burned by the spilling liquid now bubbling and gasping
Popping and churning
No longer a pale sweet sheen
The liquid is corrupted by his poison
It eats away at the pins of the universe
Which hold life as she knows it the same

She is floating on this static energy
Away from herself away from this place
WAKE UP
Something is screaming at her
WAKE UP

One choice, one moment, and then another
One stranger who called himself a friend
Who led one paling child to think the same
Before he made her ash
Made her bleed this sickly gruelish blood

He lead her up on a floating carousel of sculpted dreams
On painted wings he deceived her
He told he they were monarch’s wings
They’d hold as she grasped for the sky
But the angel wings were dark
Their scales hung heavy
They buried within her skin
She had not seen them
Their darkness
For he had cloaked himself as human
Such darkness enfolded her

The darkness of her current dreams
The snake’s pedestal once rested
On crystalline orbs filled with color
Now they’re cracked and spilling
Darkness

Her thoughts swirl
Etched in the twirling ice rink of her soul
She is sliding
Plumetting off the axel of the pinpoint of the world
On the edge of the universe
Thought to be an ocean but instead a wormy blade

One word echoes
A word to block out all the others
One word
A whispered, blood shattering scream
It reverberates into her hollow shell

Lasos rope around her protective core
They pull every which way
Spreading her wide
Wide open and gaping
Filling her with pain

A hammer beats within her heart
An anvil crushes her brain
Pain pain pain: Throbbing aching swelling stabbing

Pause.

Breath.

Carry on.

I walk around and carry this evil inside
I want to be clean
But I can’t seem to clean my insides

When I wrote this I still could not get rid of the disgust. Feeling as if I was unclean. I was not in a good place. I relapse to this sometimes. If you are in this place you are not alone. I’ve been there, there are hundreds there right now. We are an army created by our perpetrators. By coming together and realizing that there are hundreds of huddled figures whose hands we can grasp in the dark we are stronger than they will ever be. If you feel like this please reach out to someone who understands, someone with experience in this (you can do so anonymously even). I wish I had and I was glad when I finally did.

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