It will have almost been a year soon. The beginning of September since I was last raped by my neighbor. It has been on my mind a lot as September approached and now that it has arrived. Last September was the worst of my life. It was the worst month of my life. I had to get a pelvic exam to check for damage on my birthday. Yea, my birthday is in September. My favorite time of year, autumn. Worst month of my life. Worst year of my life.
What do survivors do when they cannot prosecute? It is a far more common problem than facing a full trial and we don't have other systems to hold predator's accountable. It deserves mention in the process but I have read little about the problem. People talk about how few sexual abuse and assault cases make … Continue reading I Cannot Prosecute… What Now?
Oh cold man of sick manipulation, Nose glowing red; tears; a sick indulgence. To put my mind in a trepidation, He clings; a parasite, my hindrance. The selfish greed deep as the blackest hole, He pities himself, no care for his spawn. Self-serving hedonistic lump of coal, Betrayal, abandon, leaving us: gone. Is he with … Continue reading A Father’s Bilious Love
Will has admitted what he did to me. He's admitted to blackmailing me. He's admitted to raping me on two separate occasions. He's even attempted to make it look like he was making amends for what he had done. But after I finally snapped at him once and for all when I had full blown-not … Continue reading Unpacking a Rapist’s Rationalizations
By the time I was a senior I was done with that school. I was done seeing all the boys who’d harassed, abused, and sexually assaulted me in the halls. I was done with my supposed best friends and their rumors about me. I was done hearing their names. I was done running into them. … Continue reading Tracing the Trauma: Wrapping it Up
I texted Trey a week later. Because you see in my trauma induced mental illness ridden mind I thought if I had sex with Trey, Daniel’s best friend, Daniel could feel the pain I felt. Like you were nothing to the person you loved, nothing but a blowjob, less than a hat, meaningless, garbage. I … Continue reading Tracing the Trauma: Part Three
The next semester I dated Kris for a month. Then Colton. Both were innocuous. They were kind, sweet, inexperienced, not pushy. Which was great because I did not want anything more than making out for a long time. Little did I know I would not have a choice in that. Colton and Will But we … Continue reading Tracing the Trauma: Part Two
My high school experience was hell because of crimes. Because of horrible illegal fucked up crimes that adults let alone teenagers or children cannot handle alone. These things are the kind of trauma that shouldn’t just be “well that’s life” but absolutely is “just life” when you look at the statistics of how ridiculously common it is.